If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
