pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
