I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
