I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
