covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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