ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
