Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
