i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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