a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she looked like the before picture.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Panties = found
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
