R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
