Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
