I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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