he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
