I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
