She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
