she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
