My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
should my penis look like a turkey
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
