sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
