Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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