I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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