this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
