So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
