I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.