So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am full of burrito and curiosity
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!