I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC