mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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