i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The air was thick with penises
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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