I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
