Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
