Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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