It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
