I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You are a genius and a whore.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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