i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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