I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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