I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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