Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
