3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
