remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Randomize
