im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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