Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
im on a boat
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