Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
