How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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