I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
