You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
