I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
