I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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