We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
