I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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