dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
