hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
