If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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