i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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