I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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