Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
