and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
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