Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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