You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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