there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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