I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You're a waste of cheezeits
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
