my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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