Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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