i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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