I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
