Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize