We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
