4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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