his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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