It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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