yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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