phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
