The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
