Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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