i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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