My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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