He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize