are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
