You can't special order awesome
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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