"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
