Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
