I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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