The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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