and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
