OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
