Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
