is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
