im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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