my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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