it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
