oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
