Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize